Have you ever wondered why some of the most polite, good hearted and hard working people you know have a life that doesn’t at all reflect on what you think (and often they themselves think) they deserve?
You may even have a friend or a colleague that just can’t figure out why they are having such a hard time to reach their goals and get the opportunities they are hoping for. Maybe this is also your personal story.
If that is the case, please continue reading. You may be able to solve this mystery.
3 Personality traits that may be keeping you stuck and not reaching your goals
Here are the three personality traits that all have a really good reputation, but may actually be holding you back in your efforts to reach your golas and realize your dreams. Here they are:
1. Your Loyalty
I know how this sounds. How could loyalty be the bad guy? Well, it could.This is why:
When we are about the make some big, dramatic changes in our lives, we often want the whole world to go in this new direction with us (if possible), to support us or at least agree with this new vision we have. We want support and we want smooth sailing, right? That is not crazy at all but we may be that we may be looking for support in the wrong places. And that can be a huge energy waster, eventually leaving us uninspired and in the worst case giving up on our dreams.
The “risks” of becoming the person who CAN reach your goals
When I work with my Coaching clients I first go through the process of clarifying their goals. That mostly goes well and is much easier than they expect. It is a matter of asking the right question and we are there. Then it comes to being the person who can achieve these goals and that is at first a very exciting idea, but then there is a problem. A couple of questions may pop up.
- What is my partner, my friends or my family ging to think of this new me?
- Will they like her/him still?
- What if they will not?
Your community may not react in a way you would prefer, at least some people may not. Maybe those people are important to you and they just can’t understand how you are going to create these new changes or why would you even want anything else than what you have now. They may even be offended by it.
You cannot control how other people process life experiences. But you can be in control of the way you react to it to hold on to your dreams and new goals.
Once you’ll see/experience the reaction in your community, you will have make a decision. Here is where I am going to bring up Loyalty.
What are going to be loyal to?
Will you be loyal to your new vision, your dream OR will you be loyal to your community, the idea of who you are as a person when you are around these people - your comfort zone?
Pleasing and comforting the people that don’t like the idea of you changing may lead to you letting your dreams disappear.
You can either make sure those people still love you and will not abandon you, or you can give them the opportunity to grow as a person with you.
Now, remember that who you WERE as person does not have the ability to generate/create the new reality you dream of. Otherwise you would already have the life you keep dreaming of. The “new version of you” has the tools to create the changes you desire, but you have to allow this new you to be the decision maker from now on.
Image source: www.idlehearts.com
You may have to let go of some people that are no longer on the same “wavelink ” as you are OR make peace with the fact that they will not support you the way you wish they would. They just can’t. This means that those relationships will likely change. ACCEPT IT!The good news is that you will be gaining new community and valuable relationships offering all the support you need and wish for.
2. Your Humbleness
To me this is like some kind of disease, pardom my words here. Some kind of a gracious disease that seams almost genetic. Many times, “it’s in the family”. Being humble is something that can really put brakes on your ability to attract what you want in life.
How clearly are you communicating your needs and wants?
If you are not going to say what you want out loud, how can anyone give to you?
Think about it. If you were in a great, 5 star restaurant and you could have anything on the menue, why would you say to the waiter: ” I ll just have whatever you will bring me. I’ll be happy with that.”
Now you made the waiter’s life more difficult as he would rather take a direct, simple order (that would guarantee a satisfied customer) and you may also just have missed on an experience of having the most delicious meal you have ever had. The best that the waiter can do is make a good guess.
Will you ask for more?
The universe we live in is like that amazing restaurant with all the possibilities on the menue, and the waiter is the representation of all the people in your life that have the ability to give you what you want, to support you, being able to “fullfil your order” with ease and joy.
The more clear, direct your communication is, the easier it is for people around you to be on your team, helping you in the best way they can.
But will you speak up and be honest about what you really want? No holding back. Even if it sounds little crazy in your mind. Have faith in your community, they may pleasantly surprise you.
There is a question that seams to pop up at the time of getting out of your comfort zone by asking for more: Who am I to …………….?
This question pops up a lot when you are in humbleness overdrive. Who are you? You are someone who deserves all the good things in life and they are available to you now. Just ask.
Look at your life and ask your self whether you are sometimes confusing the people around you by being humble.
Are you holding back on asking for what you really want, often hoping that one day you may get lucky by “the waiter over-delivering ”?
People are not mind readers and most of all they just don’t have enough time to try to figure out what you want. Where can you start raising the bar and asking for you really want, even if it may seam little uncomfortable or crazy? Go for it!
3. Your Good Work Ethics
I know, this one is really crazy but just let me explain.
Everything we do requires energy and time. If you want to create som significant changes, you will need the extra energy and time to invest into your dream.
I rarely feel that people are lazy or not wanting a better life, but I do feel like many people just get tired, even exhausted of trying and don’t have the support system to help them to move forward.
Working harder vs working smarter
There is a myth that is going around: If I only work harder at that thing that is not creating the results I want right now, I’ll get there. From my experience it’s now working harder, but working smarter that can actually create better results and many times free up the time and energy you need to put towards your personal and professional goals.
Do you ever examen if you are wasting your energy at work by keeping busy ? Whether you are working for someone else or you are an entrepreneur, you need to start evaluating how you spent your precious energy every day.
Ditch the exhausting plan
I come from a family (and a country) where working little and getting a lot back for that little effort, is associated with either fraud or lazy personality combined with ridicules, unfair luck. At the same time, I know many very hard working people that have so many jobs, they have practically no free time and life while looking like they haven’t slept in a week.
Most of those people still don’t see the results they were hoping for when they signed up for this exhausting plan to happy and rich future. The math doesn’t add up in those scenarios, right?
Can you get on board with the “work less and get more plan”?
If you are a workaholic it takes a lot of self awareness and even guts, to be able to stop in your tracks and take a moment to re-evaluate your approach to getting things done.
Are you just keeping busy, or are you the most productive you can be?
Is your work day organized around your priorities and personal goals or are you just in the “make sure that everyone else is happy with what I am doing” mode. You may even be on an autopilot, working like a zombie, leaving your goals behing, and next thing you know a year has gone by without you being able to move an inch closer to what you really want in life.
4 Hour work week idea by Tim Ferriss. Are you in?
If you feel like there is a lot to learn for you in this area, check out Tim Ferriss and his book 4 Hour Work Week. I know, that seams like a big stretch but this guy have a great way of pointing out the obvious time and energy waiters that are keeping you stuck and actually unproductive (considering how much you are working right now). Tim Feris presents solutions like:
- 80/20 Principle also knows as Pareto’s Law
- Low information diet
- and many other productivity tools to create better results in your life and carer