Before I write/say anything else I want to make sure that who ever reads deals article knows this:
No matter what your past or present, the circumstances of your life or how you feel in this moment,
You deserve to be in a wonderful, loving and respectful relationship. It’s your birth right to feel love and to give love in the most openhearted and free way you can.
Love should be easy and that is how you know that you are experiencing unconditional love. When you are feeling loved just because are, just like babies do when they are born, you have found “the one”.
I am a lover, meaning that I am one of those touchy, affectionate people that really enjoyes making people feel appreciated and loved any chance I get. I have also been in a relationship that makes me very happy for the past 6 years. But I also remember the times that I just wanted to be in a relationship to avoid being alone and single. I can relate to the emotionall roller coaster that Valentine’s day can cause to those who are still looking for love, or just got out of a relationship.
Take it easy this Valentine’s day, release the pressure and think loving thoughts
There is nothing wrong with not being in a relationship on this day that is build around an expectation that you should have at least a date. We all know how commercialized this celebration of love became in the last few years. The pressure that many people feel on this day has nothing to do with love and I strongly suggest that if you feel that way it’s time to let go of this social norm and just decide to have a great day – whether you are in a relationship or not.
Valentine’s day is the day to celebrate love – love you have for your self or others in your life. I am not talking about some romanticized, over the the top love. I mean that warm feeling in your heart that you feel immediately when you think about someone you care for deeply and unconditionally.
If you are not in a relationship right now, take this opportunity to express the love and appreciation you have for your self. Do something really nice for your self – take a bubble bath and have a glass of wine, buy your self some beautiful flowers or do something that lifts up your spirit and allows you to see what an amazing, deserving of LOVE person you are.
You deserve this loving attention and it is the foundation for all your other relationships in your life.
If this is the day that you are really acknowledging your desire to be in a loving relationship, I would like to share some insights on attracting/creating a relationship that makes your heart sing. Keep in mind that we all have different definitions of what a “perfect” partner/relationship is but these are 3 common obstacles that I have identified during the process I went through to understand why I was not attracting the relationship I thought I deserved.
3 keys to inviting “The One” into your life
Removing these 3 obstacles allowed me to have the relationship I have today and have been enjoying for the past 6 years – relationship that is simple, loving and fun. I hope these simple ideas will help you to invite more love into your life as well.
1. Key – Practice self acceptance
Everything you ever will and are attracting into your life is there as a reflection on your own energy and a state of being. In other words we don’t attract what we want, we attract who we are. If it’s hard for you to love and appreciate who you are now, the universe can only bring you someone who will reflect on that fact.
If you are torturing your self over becoming better, more worthy of someone’s love, you need to take a moment and breathe. You are working way too hard for something that can only come to you once you start practicing self love and self appreciation. That is the only way to attract the kind of love I talked about above – easy, lasting and fun.
You don’t need to be perfect to have a great relationship, but you have be perfectly happy with who you are now to attract someone who will love you just as you are. And isn’t that what you really want?
What if there was nothing else you needed to do, improve about your self or fix?
What if you could just stand still for a moment, release al the pressure and let someone to wrap their hands around you so you could rest in the energy of simple, accepting love?
2. Key – Get clear on what what you want in a relationship
This one seams to be so obvious, but as a Life Coach I found this to be the most common, the #1 obstacle for people to attract what they want, in all areas of their life. It’s hard to be fully aware you have found what you are looking for if you don’t have a clear idea about what you are searching for.
Knowing what you don’t want doesn’t count neither.
Remember, the universe reflects on the way you are focused. Thinking “I don’t want another guy that cheats, doesn’t pay attention to me or never lets me know how he feels about me” is a recipe for a disaster. The universe is not hearing your words, it’s paying attention to where your energy is. Think about it this way: Universe doesn’t hear your don’ts. So the statement above only has the power to attract another guy that cheats, doesn’t pay attention to you or never lets you know how he feels about you.
So next time you are about to talk to our girlfriend about who you would like to go on a date with, breathe, take a moment to refocus and say something like this: I would like to meet a guy that I can trust fully, someone who is very attentive and loving, someone who lets me me know how much he loves me. I would like to be with someone who is affectionate, and confidant enough to tell me I love you if that is the way he feels about me.
Now the universe is listening and doing everything it can to bring you the reflection on the way you think about your future relationship. All you have to do is to pay attention and be fully aware when the person crosses your path. And from my experience, it happens faster the you expect.
Does that make sense?
Do you need to reframe the way of thinking about the person that you want to be in a relationship with?
Here is a simple exercise to correct your habits of thinking to actually attract the relationship you prefer:
Take a few minutes to describe the person you would like to be in a relationship with. Be very careful how you formulate your thoughts. Here are some questions you can use to make this list that will help you to focus in a way that attracts what you prefer:
The partner I am now attracting into my life and I am open to be in a loving and fun relationship with:
- How does he make you feel about your self?
- What kind of person would you be really happy spending every day with?
- How would you want to be loved?
- What are the little things he does for you that makes you feel loved and appreciated?
- What are the little things you do for him to express your love for him?
- How does he talk to you?
- What are the things you love about him the most?
- What do you have in common with your partner – core beliefs and values that makes this relationship strong and easy to enjoy?
- How does he support you in life, in your carrer, in the challenges that you may face from time to time?
- And how ready are YOU to love fully, with on open heart?
Not being in touch with what you really want or being scared to ask for too much is only going to hold you back. Go all out and get out of your comfort zone. The rewards for being bold and putting your foot down are worth it.
Little tip: Use our past relationships as a resource to make this very important list. All your past relationships were full of lessons to learn about how you want to be treated and what you prefer or not in your partner. Milk it. Use all our past experiences to clarify for your self what you are not willing to invite into your life again and what you would prefer instead.
3. Key – Let go of the stories (and the energy) of your past relationships
Are you still talking about your ex?
Do you still resent the way he treated you?
Do you fear that you will be treated like that again in your next relationship?
If the answers are YES that you are being held hostage to the guy that is no longer physically present in your life. You may have broken up with him but he still has the power over you to make you feel the way he did when you were with him.
It’s time to let him go.
How do you do it? By accepting him for who he is, accepting the relationship for what it was and also making peace with the fact that you have made a mistake. Stop wondering why he treated you the way he did.
The most importnat thing is to understand (in your heart) that it was wrong. Relationships are the most powerful platform for learning about your self and how YOU ALLOW people to treat you. Being angry at your self for letting him to treat you with disrespect … is not going to help. Allowing your ex to be a powerful teacher is going to allow you to claim your power back.
Let him be the reason you are now more clear about how you want to feel in your next relationship, have more self respect and be able to clearly communicate your needs to your next partner.
Most importantly, you cannot hang on the painful memories of your past relationships and be able to attract the oposite of that. It just wouldn’t work. Let go, make room for a new, loving partner that doesn’t have to try to worry about you pushing him off because you have been hurt by the guy before him. It’s not fair to him.
Allow your self to heal and move on. There is a guy out there waiting to sweep you off your feet.
I would like to dedicate this article to COURAGE - courage to really get in touch with the vision of a relationship that would take your breath away and is worth waiting for, courage to trust the universe to arrange all the beautiful coincidences so you could meet HIM, courage to love fully and openly when you find “the one”,and the courage to keep expressing your love and appreciation for your partner every day if you are in a wonderful relationship already.
Happy Valentines day!